I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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