Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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