Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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