Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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