I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize