Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
