So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
