I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Randomize
