i think my mom watched the whole time
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Sober January is a disaster.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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