She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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