You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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