just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
