Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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