They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
