That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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