i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
