i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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