you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
