Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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