I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize