I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I met the friendliest cop last night
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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