After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Life is so much better after having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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