My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
