the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
