grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You smell like stripper and shame
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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