It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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