I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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