Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
