Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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