my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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