Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Can Purell be used as lube?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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