new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
