arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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