Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
it glows. i had to have it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
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