i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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