Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
