i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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