Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
