i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
