herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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