What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
