i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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