His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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