He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
