I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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