writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
