onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
