She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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