Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
