my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
