I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
