In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize