Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize