If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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