he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
