I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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