Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
