The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
