Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
