her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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