I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
