Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
