My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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