his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
