I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Will exercising make me less horny?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
