So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
All I want is dick and wine.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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