I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
