It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
