remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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