I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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