i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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