My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
