I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
