definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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