Moan for me like Helen Keller
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
