you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
