as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
