Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my shit smells like andre
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
