Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
