I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
